The influence of actual and perceived similarity on social connection and conversation 6 views

Social connection is a crucial ingredient to leading a happier and healthier life. People tend to befriend and belong to groups with similar others. Although similarity strongly influences who people connect with, people are imperfect at evaluating their similarity with others. How similar someone is to another (actual similarity) often does not align with how similar someone thinks they are to another person or group (perceived similarity). In the present dissertation, I investigated whether perceived or actual similarity are more predictive of social connectedness to the group (Study 1) and to an individual friend, the interpersonal behavioral consequences of perceived and actual similarity, and how discussions of similarity and difference might shape behavior during conversation (Study 2). I found that perceived similarity to the perception of an average community member was more strongly predictive of belonging, while actual similarity (in beliefs about the friendship) was more strongly predictive of closeness and shaped nodding synchrony across conversations with a friend. Friends differently synchronized across conversations if they were actually similar in their expectations. During conversations about their similarities, friends verbally agreed more, but during conversations about their differences, they nodded together more intensely. Together, these studies take a step towards understanding how different forms of similarity can shape belonging, strong friendship, good conversation, and ultimately, wellbeing and health.

PHD (Doctor of Philosophy)

similarity; belonging; conversation; friendship; synchrony

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2026-04-15